how am i supposed to look up to you, trust you... i realize it's your life, and you make your own decisions... but when those decisions go against the very things i stand for, i lose the respect i so want to give you.

you are my friend, and i love you dearly... but this sucks.  i can't help feeling like you kind of sucker-punched me, because i thought you were a bigger person, a cut above the rest, if you will... but i guess not.  i'm sorry i held you to a higher standard.

ever since we were little, every time we went ANYwhere in the car, if mom or dad was driving, mom would always (a) pray out loud, (b) have one of us pray out loud, or (c) have everyone pray.  now, since we're not all in the car all together anymore, this happens less frequently; but you can be sure that every sunday, all of us will take a turn praying in the car en route to church.  which means that, even though church is pretty far away, we're usually a third of the way there by the time all of us finish praying.  and when we pick up people to go with us (to church or somewhere else), sometimes mom asks them to pray, too.

admittedly, this practice of ours became kind of tedious--i would frequently forget that prayer is a privilege, not a punishment.  but when i manage to remember how incredible prayer really is, it makes me extremely grateful for the example my parents have set for us over the years.

so today we were on the way to church, and again mom had us take turns praying, which brings me to the funny story that inspired this blog post. :)

you know how in "christianese" we all have our "prayer formats"?  like, the general opening lines of prayer among the youth kids here are "dear God, thank you for this day; thank you that we can all come together today..."  or at a meal, "dear God, thank you for this food; please bless it to our bodies and bless those who prepared it..."  well.  my brother Elliott (he's still in elementary school) has a pretty standard "on the way to church-prayer", and for a while, it's been something like this:

"dear God, thank you for today.  thank you that we can go to church today and worship You.  please help us to get there and home safely.  please help us to learn something in sunday school.  please help carissa [our youngest sister] and i not to fight today.  thank you for mom and dad; please help them to not be tired today.  i pray that grandma and uncle david would come to know You soon.  in Jesus' name, amen."

but today, he changed it up a little... by saying "please help mom and dad and danielle not to be tired today."

MY GOODNESS.  that made me feel SO OLD!!  hahaha as glad as i was that i got to be specifically prayed for, i was like, "wow.  my brother counts me in the 'adult' bracket and knows i'm wearing out!"  hahaha

and so i told my mom about my feelings on elliott's "edited" prayer--she laughed, and it was all good.  and then my sister inez says, "actually, danielle... we've been including you in the "old" bracket for a long time now." hahaha 

oh, what i didn't know:  elliott overheard!  and a few minutes later, he came up to me and said very sincerely, "i can stop praying that if you want," to which i responded, no, it's okay, i love that you pray for me, etc.  and he said, "or, i can change my prayer if you want... i can ask God to help you be more energetic [instead of 'not tired']?"  i laughed out loud and told him that whatever he prays is fine by me; im just thankful he prays for me! haha my brother is so great.  :)

i love my family.

i've been crazy busy as of late.  besides pulling 18 credit hours, i spend 6-8 hours a week (sometimes more) doing Bells and being their manager, 5+ hours a week running Phenomena band, scattered hours doing BGR (new student orientation) stuff, 1-2 hours doing my speech and hearing sciences club, and doing CRU (Campus Crusade) things whenever i possibly can... basically i'm booked all the time.

and so i was frustrated for a couple weeks, basically wondering, what am i doing? i know God has called me into ministry, into being a missionary in the long run... but what does that look like now? how can i not waste my last 3 semesters here?  the fact was (and is) that, due to my commitments to Bells/Phenomena and BGR, my activities within CRU are pretty limited.  and really, for a long time, if someone were to ask me, "what is your ministry on campus?" i would have said CRU.

but what God has been teaching me--and really drove home today at church--is that ministry doesn't happen solely under the "Christian umbrellas" of whatever churches or Christian organizations such as CRU, Intervarsity, or youth/college groups.  ministry happens everywhere as we serve others.  every person in the Body of Christ is called to full-time ministry.  it's not a call to do more; it's a call to let God do more.  our calling, our ministries, are where our greatest passions meet the world's deepest needs.

and okay, not all of us are called to be pastors or missionaries in africa... but the thing is, we're all called to be Jesus' hands and feet, to take Him everywhere we go.  we're all chosen to "a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God" (1 Peter 2:9).  we're called to go and make disciples.  everywhere.  in everything that we do, we are representative of Christ.

and while ministry definitely happens within the church, there absolutely are tons of ministry opportunities outside of church barbecues and Sunday school.  for me personally, my ministry--the way i serve others--is now in the musical organizations and in BGR.  in the musical things i do, i work with roughly 200 students/staff to bring music to thousands of people each year.  in BGR, i work with 500 students/staff to bring over 5000 new students into the college community. 

additionally, i'm still in the small group coordinator position for NY Summer Conference (and here's where my ministry actually gets to fit under a "Christian umbrella", haha).  and the reason i love it so much is that i get to watch God work in and through me and 40-some small group leaders to build up and equip youth/young adults for--you guessed it--ministry.  i realize now that God has put me into this unique position--this unique ministry--to be salt and light to a whole lot of people. 

it's been really exciting to see all this potential and speculate what God might do :) and of course, His plans are so much bigger than i could ever imagine, so i can't wait to see what He does next!